What does Gratitude really mean? Most of us are thankful for the blessings we have in our lives. We have families we love, jobs that help us provide the necessities of daily living, good health, friends to laugh and play with, freedom and Free Will to live our lives the way we want to.
Most of us are very grateful for these blessings, but how often do we stop to focus and reflect on that? Probably not as often as we should. Why is Gratitude even important? Sure, we’re thankful for what we have, but why should we have to dwell on it?
There is a very good reason! Have you ever given someone a gift, and when they open it they react with very little enthusiasm? They say flatly, “Oh yeah, thanks, I’ve been wanting one of those.” Their words say “thank you” but their heart says, “big deal”. You can feel that, can’t you? Does it inspire you to want to give them another gift? Probably not. On the other hand, if you give someone a gift and they exclaim, “Oh THANK YOU, I just love it!”, doesn’t that lift your heart? You feel appreciated, and happy that you made them feel appreciated.
The one Universal Law that has had the most profound effect in my life is, Like Attracts Like. When we are truly grateful for the blessings in our lives, and we take time to reflect on them, we automatically begin to draw more blessings to ourselves. Why? Because we create what we focus on.
True gratitude isn’t the act of mechanically listing the blessings in our lives every night before we go to sleep. Gratitude is an Attitude. It’s a mindset of thankfulness and joy for the wonderful blessings in our lives. Our hearts and minds are lifted in joy when we reflect on the beauty and love surrounding us. It’s a heartfelt acknowledgement that our lives would not be as happy as they are now if we didn’t have those blessings.
Okay, so maybe not everything in our lives is perfect right now. Gratitude can be hard to foster when we are also experiencing struggle at the same time. Maybe we’ve just lost a job, or a loved one. Maybe we have difficult financial struggles. Maybe we are mired in depression and sadness. It’s hard to feel grateful during moments like that.
That’s where Faith comes in. Gratitude and Faith go hand in hand. Gratitude is reflecting on and being thankful for the blessings we do have, while Faith affirms that more are on the way. Maybe not everything in our lives is the way we want it to be, but some things are wonderful, and the things that aren’t so wonderful will get better in time. Another job is just around the corner. Peace and healing will come to us as we go through the grieving process for our loved one. Financial struggles come and go. Depression and sadness will lift (seeking treatment may be necessary in some cases), and the sun will shine once again. Believe this. Know it in your heart. Affirm it to the Universe, and it will be so.
You know what I’m grateful for? You. Every single one of you who is reading these words right now. I’m deeply grateful that I’m given the opportunity to send even a tiny ray of sunshine into your lives each week. The letters I get back from you telling me that I’ve made a difference in your life, no matter how small, fill my heart to overflowing.
Be thankful for the ways in which you touch the lives of others. Some of them you may not even be aware of, and that’s okay. Know that they do exist.
Take time to reflect on the good things in your life, not just today, but every day. Really let yourself feel the goodness and love surrounding you. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you. Embrace them and be thankful for their presence in your life. Focus on the Love, for it’s all that really matters.
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If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
Sometimes we forget how fleeting life is. There are no guarantees. We might be here until we’re 100 years old, or we might check out in our twenties or thirties. We just don’t know. But most of us tend to trick ourselves into believing that we have all the time in the world. We procrastinate, hesitate and put off the things that are truly important to us.
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you have any regrets? Would you feel a sense of loss for all the things you didn’t do? I’m not referring to major accomplishments like climbing a mountain. I mean the smaller, more precious moments in life. Would you regret not spending more time with your children or spouse? Would you feel disappointed that you never signed up for those dance lessons you’ve always wanted to take, or wrote the book that’s hiding in your heart?
Think back to your childhood for a moment. Remember how slowly time seemed to move? Remember how people in their twenties seemed old, and people in their thirties and forties seemed positively ancient? My grandmother told me years ago that the older you get, time moves more quickly. I didn’t believe her. I was a teenager when she told me that, and to my astonishment, more than 20 years have passed since then. How is that possible? Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday I was graduating from high school and had my whole life ahead of me. Time really does seem to move more quickly as you get older. I’ll have to remember to tell that to my own grandchildren. *grin*
So, how can we live our lives in a way that will leave us with no regrets? It seems that life has gotten so busy for most of us. How do we find the time and energy to do what really matters? Most of us still have to work, we have responsibilities and demands on our time. Is filling up our schedule with more “stuff” really the answer? No, I don’t think so.
I think the answer isn’t so much about adding more to our lives, but rather, more deeply enjoying the lives we have now. Certainly we should follow our dreams and engage in fun activities. If you really want to sign up for those dance lessons, go for it. If you have a novel begging to be written, write it! But adding those activities alone will not transform our entire lives.
What transforms a person’s life is how present they are in their day to day tasks. While you’re working, immerse yourself in the work. Give it your full attention and effort and passion. When you put aside your work for the day, also put it out of your mind. When you are spending time with your family, enjoy them. Laugh, have fun, play. Engage meaningfully with your spouse. Let your family know how much you love and appreciate them.
Finally, and most importantly, allow yourself to really experience life. Take frequent moments throughout your day to breathe, feel, BE. Too many of us spend our days in a rushed fog. We don’t take time to awaken and enjoy. We are sleeping through the best parts of our lives. Simply opening our spiritual eyes and looking around can refresh and invigorate us.
Cherish each moment you have on this earth. Live with passion, joy and awe. Cram as much happiness, fun and love into your life as you can. Then when regret comes knocking at your door, there is simply no room for it to come in.
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Everyone is periodically faced with an angry person, and can be challenging to deal with. I?d like to share a few ideas in how to react to another?s anger, whether it?s a spouse, friend, or even a stranger. Some of these will also apply if you are angry yourself, which of course is something to avoid in the first place.
Listen – Let the person vent a little, and get their words and feelings out. If you interrupt them too quickly to defend yourself, it?s going to just make things worse. Wait for them to finish or for a pause. Being a good listener is an important skill in many other situations also. A good technique for listening is to ask questions. It not only helps you understand them better, but shows them you truly care to understand.
Stay Calm – Don?t go into anger mode yourself, it just compounds the situation. Just remind yourself that anger is unlikely to accomplish anything good, so why do it.
Validate – Validate their anger, do not just dismiss their emotions just because you feel it?s unjustified. The fact is that they feel this way, and you will help the situation by accepting and acknowledging the way they feel. Let them know this with phrases such as ?I see that you?re really upset with me and am sorry this had to happen?.
Take Responsibility – Don?t let you ego assume that you are totally without fault in their anger. You may not be fully aware of how you come across or what you did. Just accept that your actions could have been responsible, regardless of whether the actions were justified. Find things that you can freely admit you were in error about, and this may help resolve the other person?s anger.
Time-Out – If possible, take a time-out, and let the other person cool down. Trying to debate the situation immediately will often make it worse. Give ti some time to settle down, and then discuss it if necessary. People will require different amounts of time to release their initial anger, so be adaptive to their needs.
Agree to Disagree – Sometimes you?re not going to ever decide that someone was right or wrong, and the debate can go on endlessly with each party trying to convince the other. In these cases, it?s best to just acknowledge that you each have different options, and leave it at that. We don?t always have to agree on things. Just ?Agree to Disagree? then change the subject and move on to something else quickly. If you can find a win/win solution to the issue that?s great, however it?s not always possible.
Keep Perspective – Keep things in perspective, and ask yourself how important the topic of the argument really is in the big picture. It?s so easy to get into a huge argument over what is a trivial thing, and the debate becomes more a personal issue of proving something which really doesn?t matter. Be willing to just let it go.
Release the Anger – If you?re holding a lot of anger yourself, find a good way to release it. What works best will be different for each of us, but some ideas include: talking a walk, go for a bike ride, play a video game, work in the garden, phone a friend, go shopping, take a bath, or anything that will take your mind off it. Time is a great healer.
Avoid Violence – Never use physical violence against another in anger, if you are doing this you should seek professional help before you hurt someone. If you are the recipient of violent anger, then you need to physically get away from that person, as quick as you can.
With anyone you spend a lot of time with, you should work together towards ending anger. Make a pact to try to avoid this emotion which does your relationship no good. If you can both become better listeners, it will go a long ways towards reducing anger, because people will know they can count on you to listen to them. Anger will otherwise become their tool to get your attention.
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